What Makes Narcissism So Bad? - Part II

A narc has the power - and the motivation - to cause unrivaled suffering in others. In fact, the suffering of others is what relieves their anxiety and their anger. But the bad effects of narcissism do not end there.

The narc will make you angry, incredibly angry, more angry than any other person in your life could possibly make you. And he will do it consistently and constantly, almost daily. This is because his aim is to make you feel powerless so that he feels powerful. She will make you feel wrong, beholdened, and ashamed. He will make you feel at fault for everything that is wrong in the relationship.

The narc will also give you incredible anxiety. She will devalue you, disconnect from you, and punish you. He will give you the silent treatment, gaslight you, lie to you, manipulate you, violate your boundaries, and establish relationship triangles that will make you feel jealous and afraid. She will make you feel trapped, guilty, and invisible.

The narc will also stagnate you. He will keep you busy doing tasks for him, supporting him, taking care of him. He will discourage you from learning, from growing, from discovering. She will give you the wrong direction, inspire you to achieve goals that were never yours. She will keep you busy creating, building, and supporting her world of people and things that make her feel powerful and affirmed. You will go nowhere, achieve nothing. You will feel no joy. You will feel dead inside.

A narcissist in your life, especially a closely-related one, is no light matter. You think that you are “handling him,” but you are not. She is always, always handling you. The narcissist is a controller of the highest order, a person who is managing his anger by controlling everyone around him.

By agreeing to abide by the illusion that she creates: the illusion of what is important and what is not, what you can stand to lose and what you cannot, you are not only agreeing to suffer, you are agreeing to make the narcissist in your life be your God instead of the real deal.

This is what makes the narcissist really, really bad.

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It took me three years to realize that I am a fallen creature. I have been struggling and groping my way back to the Light. Here are a few things that I have learned along the way....

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