I Don’t Even Know What Love Is

For some people, love is merely adoration, which is a form of good-shadow projection. These people find the person who best typifies their unlived shadow material—good and bad—and live in a sort of trance with them. Though I wouldn’t call that sad game “love,” it’s what passes for love in many relationships: you find someone who can act out your unlived material, attach yourself to them, and enter into a haunted carnival ride of moods and desires. - Karla McLaren

For most people, this circle of dependency is what they believe love is. Their intimate relationship mimics the one that they had with their mother or father, where one person is “earning” love and the other is demanding it.


Is it any wonder that you feel like your life has not yet begun? That your sole purpose in life so far has been to meet the insatiable needs of others’ self-created masks? Is it any wonder that they appear to have life figured out? That their life is all about being the perfect housewife, the doting mother, the high-powered executive, the fabulous designer, or the well-renowned realtor?


Love was never meant to be unattainable. Love was never meant to be conditional. And love was never meant to be earned.


What is love, then?


Love is not something that we feel. It is not something that we do. Love is not self-sacrifice.

Love = Joy/Peace/Power = Truth = God = True Self

This is a very strange, very powerful equation. Let’s break it down.


Love is the positive emotions of joy, peace and power. Feelings of joy are: awed, alive, excited, delighted, daring, and thrilled. Feelings of peace are: feeling nurturing, free, grateful, connected, secure humble. Feelings of power are: cared for, appreciated, valued, important, forgiving, and admiring. We experience these positive emotions when we get our true needs met. Some of our true needs are: beauty, creativity, discovery, hope, affection, belonging, support, order, meaning, value, autonomy, and well-being.


Your knowledge of how the world works is very limited. In fact, it is the knowledge level of a child. A child is not capable of showing real love; a child is too self-centered, too hungry for love, to show it to others. It is only when you wake up, when you decide that it is time to grow up, that you begin to see the truth about who you are, who others are, and who God is. This is called spiritual growth. It is only when you seek to find Truth, or grow spiritually, that real love automatically begins to flow through you.

I define love thus: The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth.” - M. Scott Peck

Love is God’s energy, flowing through you, as a result of his revealing Truth to you. He can only reveal Truth when you ask him to. Therefore, love is something that you decide. Are you going to seek Truth (seek God) or not?


When you decide to seek Truth, when you seek to get met those needs that create the positive emotions inside of you, you are living in the True Self. You are living in Love.

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It took me three years to realize that I am a fallen creature. I have been struggling and groping my way back to the Light. Here are a few things that I have learned along the way....

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